You are young, beautiful, smart, witty and charming. You don't really need to worry about someone loving you. Because I'd wager dollars to donuts that there's a guy who has a hard time falling asleep because of you. And when he wakes up morning or the middle of the night, he thinks about you and that puts a smile on his face. When he talks to you, the tips of his fingers get a little numb and he struggles for things to say and his stomach crawls into his throat, then he'll beat himself up over what he said, reciting the parts that he could've done differently into a bathroom mirror.
2. When I recently went to visit my brother at his higher learning institution he let me know what an an enviable position I am in, because I can, quite literally, do nothing all day. In the Office Space sense.
Of course, the obvious downside to all of this freedom is that while I can do nothing - I am also very unable to do many things. Mostly things that involve money or insurance. But other than that - I can do anything that does not violate bounds of physics.
Since you can only spin the "wake up at noon, watch Spongebob" yarn so many ways, I will focus on the negative aspects. Also because that is what is the sand in my socks right now.
Lacking insurance, one is inclined to immediately assume everything is terminal. I thought I had Legionnaire's disease a few weeks ago. I didn't, but I had mentally crafted my will in case I did (notables: Young Mathews gets the LCD monitor. Flammable things should be kept away from fire. Most everything else I want melted into a metal, plastic and glass remote control submarine holding my "cremains" that will be piloted into the depths of the Pacific Ocean by an attractive, crying woman. My things should be pawned until enough money is raised to fund this operation, including enough money for a woman willing to do this).
Further, I was once crazy careful with my teeth. But not so much now. I hadn't gone to the dentist since August of 2001 - because model patients like me really don't need to. But lacking insurance, I don't worry about ever going to the dentist and I've let the care of my teeth slip a little. I have to think that the only reason I ever did take care of them was because of the prospect of the dentist inspecting them and commenting on their care. I'm a whore for compliments.
(If you would like to come over to my place and stare into my mouth once every week or two, commenting on how my teeth look - baby let me know!)
And watching rodeo on television, I just saw a man get thrown from a bull and into a metal fence. I feel much much better about my situation right now.
And then you begin thinking about the worst ways out of this situation: What sort of health/dental/retirement plan does COBRA (not COBRA) offer? Do I still have to start as a viper? Because I think I could add the most value to the organization if I were put in a position like Tomax or Xamot. I mean, I'll pull my weight no matter where I'm placed, it's just I think I could offer more in certain positions. I have admirable leadership abilities and I think the maroon codpiece would look simply dashing on me.
3. Do animals have fingerprints?
4. I anticipated a very sharp fear or pain coming from "I'm no longer young" - like slamming my fingers in a car door - but that never really materialized. It's more of a dull ache or a distant roar - like an ear infection. Just sit around, getting older. I need to make $3560 in 2003 to get all of my Social Security credits. And I've been doing the numbers on "if I were to stay unemployed for X years and got disabled in a brave kitten rescue in year Y - would I be able to collect Social Security?" And now I wonder what kind of person I've become.
