I wish English had genders for all stuff, rather than assigning gender to some things based on cuteness or historical precedent. For example - the gum disease gingivitis (have you heard of any other gum disease besides the gum disease gingivitis? If you are a periodontist, I would believe you have heard of periodontitis. Have you heard of the gum disease gingivitis being anything other than a gum disease? The greatest living American writer gingivitis? The dashing son of a billionaire oil magnate gingivitis? The tasty on-the-go breakfast gingivitis? The convenient and affordable gingivitis? No. Gingivitis is a gum disease. Except "gingivitis" sounds like it could become an exciting brand-awareness paradigm for a gin-based malt beverage, like Zima or something. It would have a funny marketing campaign.) - is this male or female? Is the hole in my foot which represents a regrettable fishing trip male or female? Instead of the generic "I hate it" it could be "I hate him/her."
Does anyone believe that Uh-Oh Oreos are actually mistakes? That some miracle of serendipity snuck its way passed the minimum-wage guards at the Oreo factory (in Chicago, Illinois) and crept into the machines causing a magnificent mountain of error cookies, then some insightful factory floor worker said, "We at Nabisco - the National Biscuit Company - should sell these! It will no longer be a mistake, but a wonderful opportunity for our customers to sneak off with a taste mistress - but we will soon take it away from them and leave them to fumble around in a swamp of words when they try to explain their whereabouts to the cookie they are wedded to. And it will increase shareholder value!" It's the same thing as vulcanization and penicilin. It's all a bunch of elaborate hoaxes to lull us into this sense of awe and wonderment about the world we live in - curious and beautiful accidents making lives better for everyone, that the world adjusts to us, that working hard is for faithless and unlucky.
A hot preview of McSweeney's 11 and a PDF of the new material in Sacrament/YSKOV.
What I don't like about doing research is that when the day comes to a close (the day coasts to a stop, like a safe driver down a steep decline, not like a drunk smashing his car into a tree) I have very little to show for what I've done. Usually I have something with a noticably bigger file size. Not so much with this.
