1. I made this fur coat all by myself. It's made from nutria.
2. I killed a drifter that looked at me funny. He's in the trunk of my car. Want to see?
3. I slept with Neil Patrick Harris, TV's 'Doogie Howser, MD.' He was a competent, but sometimes clumsy, lover. He had a large collection of fetish films that we'd just sit and watch with a bowl of barbecue potato chips. He'd actually catalog them in this huge binder. It was for his dissertation.
4. So, it's some kind of weather we've been having lately. Would you like to make out with me?
5. I'm drunk. Let's go light some stuff on fire.
6. I got this scar when I was in a fight with a gorilla. I had put some speed in his food a few hours earlier and I guess he just flipped out. [pause] I won the fight.
7. Here, take some of my money.
8. I like to make artisan breads in spare my time.
9. I use shaving soap and a badger brush. I also use a razor strop.
10. I found a dinosaur skull in my backyard.
11. Sexually, I am drawn to bright, young, doughy male consultants in glasses.
12. Want to smoke some drugs?
13. Oh, no thank you. I limit my food and beverage intake to bacon or Jolt Cola. Sometimes Mountain Dew.
14. Do you like The Simpsons? I do.
15. We could throw stuff off the bridge.
16. I don't have a religion or formal personal code, but a habit that's sort of evolved is just stabbing someone if they happen to own a "NOW (that's what I call music)" CD.
17. So the other day while I was making out with that barista who sort of looks like Punky Brewster in front of Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe I noticed that clove cigarettes are becoming this stupid hipster trend. Every had Inca Kola?
18. Do you know anything about coal?
19. While I was in a Chinese prison camp, I gave myself this large tattoo of a dragon. It has the faces of various mid-century entertainers hidden in the scales. See? There's Judy Garland. "Clang clang clang goes the trolley." I love that song.
20. Slurpee?
21. Fuck hiccups.
22. Would you care to discuss the generic variants of Mountain Dew?
23. How many ways are there to skin a cat?
24. Can you speak authoritatively and intelligently about Dawson's Creek storylines? I like that show.
