I fear that I, like so many other geniuses, may have peaked young, for today I completed my magnum opus when I tied a balloon onto a dog.
HOW I SHOULD BE REMEMBERED
On my birthday, the feeling should be tense, and anxious - that is how I lived my life.
To celebrate my tying a balloon onto a dog, people should tie balloons onto their dogs and wear black ribbons.
My biography should be turned into a fawning movie. I'd like someone handsome, but not really famous, to play me. I want the title to delicately allude to my genius. Call it something like "Remarkable Genius" or "Handsome Genius" or "Unquestionable Genius". Also, my decision to live with my parents must be portrayed as a brave, counter-cultural decision, something of priciple and integrity, not because I'm a total cheapskate.
On my stamp, I want to be looking right, so I am staring off the envelope, into the great unknown. Please feel free to redefine my jawline to be a little stronger.
No TV specials about me, ever. None. Those are so un-tastefully done that it's not even a question.
