Maybe this is anxiety about what I want to do, am supposed to do, ought to do, shouldn't do, wouldn't do, can't do. But in the bingo game of life, by most measures, I got a pretty decent card. And like most lucky people, I spend a lot of time thinking about what's missing or what I want/need more of. And more than anything it's probably intimacy and trust. Because, look: math, markets, finance - this stuff is pretty easy and being smart or paying attention is usually rewarded, and often rewarded quite well, and there's really not a great deal of risk in throwing yourself at it. The choices are easy. But intimacy takes actual work and effort and risks that no one really teaches you about and it is difficult to prepare for. And anecdotally, this seems like it is true - because all of the stories about high-end prostitutes are about how the millionaires will just want to talk.
When I was in consulting, a lady at work asked me for help with something. It was an easy enough problem and I helped her with it. It was maybe a half an hour. Consulting (and lawyering) turns time into money, so its practitioners often think in those terms. The next day she said thanks and dropped off a gift card to the lunch place on the first floor of the tower and I somehow felt worse about the whole thing - that we weren't being people, or even colleagues, but just another tiny client/consultant engagement. The same thing has sort of developed at my current job, except the guy has stopped "paying" me. Now he just talks about how great my work is to other people and, really, that's a lot better.
But I think that starts to get at what I'd like out of a job. I want people to like me, trust me, and feel that what I do is important to them. This is more nascent, but I've realized how unbelievably important a sense of fairness is to me. It can't just be legal, it needs to be fair and honest and transparent. It seems really basic, but it seems to be missing in a lot of things.
