There is paperwork at the end of life. His life insurance. His bank accounts. His retirement savings. His utility bills. The power company referred his case to collections. There are not many worse ways to be reminded of someone that died quite young than by a bill collector. Having his dropout/alcoholic/addict friend call and ask for him several months too late is, however, one way that's worse.
Peanut butter M&Ms are my madeleines. The taste and texture of them makes memories erupt. I think of Christmas - he would buy my dad 2 or 3 enormous bags of peanut butter M&Ms. It was usually the first thing that was opened. It would get poured into a dispenser and get eaten throughout the morning - opening presents, eating PB M&Ms. Buying a package of peanut butter M&Ms has become like a personal communion - I want to eat them privately, silently, and contemplatively.
In the seven months since, I don't remember someone asking about my siblings - if I have any or not. I'm still a little unsure of how I would answer - in content or composure. Is the question about the circumstances in which I grew up or my life today? Do I mention him, or not? It seems unfair to my brother to not mention him, but the questioner probably wasn't probing for details of family tragedies, either.
