0. Commenting on my away messages.
1. Quoting me in your profile or away messages.
2. IMing me as soon as I get online.
3. Building a fansite. Top-level domain name. Dedicated server.
4. Naming it "The Kid Tetris Experience" or "The Axis of Kid Tetris."
5. Running a whois on my domain name to get my home address.
6. Sitting in front of my house, laptop attached to cell phone, IMing me.
7. Fixing a tracking device to my truck.
8. Analyzing my movements and building large scale probabilistic models on where I will be going and which streets I'll be using, then showing up there before I do and acting aloof when we happen to run into each other.
9. Fan fiction about me.
10. Fan fiction about me with you in it, as well.
11. Posters of me hanging in your bedroom.
12. Oil paintings.
13. Securing me a job where you know I'd find meaning and be happy.
14. Crafting well-written punk ballads about me.
15. Really creamy macaroni and cheese with Tobasco.
16. Carrying an oil painting, framed poster or life-size cardboard doll of me when you drive across the United States and posing with it in front of signs that announce state lines.
17. Ordering my drink for me when in a restaurant - not because you are bossy or aggressive, but because you understand me. And have been stalking me for such a long time that I feel I can trust you with such a thing.
18. Publishing a comic book of a superhero, based largely on my life.
19. Honestly and critically reviewing my taste in music, film and literature.
20. Getting in a cab and saying to the driver, "My only chance at happiness is in that car! To the airport!" and chasing me down at the gate, convincing me to give up whatever I was getting on the airplane for a long enough time to see if we are really meant for each other, making me drop my bag on the tightly wound commercial grade airport carpet, kissing passionately and then buying me an Xbox.
