We have a great war, but it is not spirtual. Our great war is our purpose, our place is right damn here and our ignorance of this great war is the cause of our depression. Our war is a culinary war. It is our battle for the liberty and justice which allows us to have Breakfast at any moment in the day. We are the liberators of egg dishes and poppy seed muffins, oatmeal and Lucky Charms, sourdough english muffins and grapefruit, orange juice and hash browns. We are fighting, you barbarous rascal, to have Breakfast Anytime.
Our war has already started and we have won many battles. The humble cinammon roll was once reserved for weekend mornings. Cinnabon is its freedom fighter. Nowadays, in airports and shopping malls the world over you may find this sticky treat. While you can't get it fresh exactly Anytime, we are working hard on this. In the meantime, you can pick up a to-go box.
The Jack-in-the-Box has earned their wings, as well. For several years now, you have been able to purchase the "Breakfast Jack" 24 hours a day. Feel the tide of a revolution. Feel a generation accepting its cause, its purpose and its meaning.
We are not just a drain pipe that lays traditional Breakfast food on the laps of other times of the day. We take non-traditional Breakfast foods and make them our own. The island of misfit breakfast foods. Steak and eggs. The "breakfast sandwich." Ice cream. Pasta. Pizza. No one blinks an eye when I eat these for Breakfast anymore, but there was a time when they did. We were thought of to be "strange" or "curious" but, in actuality, we were and still are liberating Breakfast. We are visionaries, thought leaders, enterprise risk managers and future CEOs.
In the history of the world, there has never been a more exciting time to live. Our war has been subversive so far. But no more. Listen to Bob Marley's 'Exodus.' "Open your eyes and look within1/ Are you satisfied with the life you're living? ... We're leaving Babylon2,/ We're going to our Father land3." Do you feel the turning of the tides? Are you still afraid? Don't be. There's no reason. The future is golden and we are lucky to be living in such an amazingly exciting time.
Recognize your cause. Accept it. Realize your potential. Feel it fester inside of you. That's your potential. But it is us - the people who were "too lazy" or "too drunk" or "too hungover" to get out of bed before noon and therefore were denied our access to Breakfast - that have lit this giant, flaming torch. Now we want you to carry it for us. We are woefully tired and wish to sleep. Think of the millions and the billions who will benefit from your service. When the Revolution is complete, your face will be on coins and postage stamps, inside revisionist history books and above the fireplaces the homes of the working class.
Yes, glory is ever so appealing, but there is much work to be done. We need people like you. Physically fit and mentally strong, you'll work like an ox and never complain. Live bravely with the knowledge that every deity ever worshipped by any person in the history of the universe is on your side.
Lastly, Breakfast Anytime is not just a promise of convenience and customer satisfaction. It is our life choice. It is our conduit to transcendence.
Forver yours in the glory and revolution of Breakfast,
Comrade Kid Tetris
1 Ostensibly, this would mean the heart. But since we've co-opted the song for our own purposes, we would like you to look deeper. Perhaps more toward your stomach.
2 Consider Babylon to mean "these times and places where Breakfast is not available Anytime."
3 I believe "Father land" means "those Elysian Fields where we can have Breakfast Anytime."
