Dear Sir or Madam:
Thank you for YOUR warm and inviting email. Do I know you? High school, perhaps? Anyway, I am happy that YOU'RE expressing YOUR concern for my chest size. However, I can't help but wonder why I would ever want to double my chest size. Further, I am of the belief that doubling anyone's chest size might have undue consequences on their life. Since most normal work will be made hopelessly difficult (as we saw in Simpsons episode DABF18 titled "Large Marge") they'll have to take low-skill jobs that involve a lot of staring - be it as a trade show model, stripper, porn actress or other sundry fetish object. Not that these aren't noble or rewarding occupations, I just think people should be aware of the corner they are painting themselves into.
I'd appreciate the opportunity to discuss my concerns at your convenience.
Graciously,
Mr. K. Tetris, Esq.
