I've been away for a while. Understand that things pile up. Sunday had 4 episodes of the Simpsons. I slept for most of today, but the phone kept waking me up, so it was a fitful sleep. I had 2 big glasses of orange juice and a sandwich and thought about MathML for about 10 minutes while I watched a Tom Selleck movie that I mistakenly believed was an episode of Evening Shade.
A modest proposal for TV: more baseball, less hockey.
When you find yourself in a bar and you are mentally insulting the people there, it's pretty clear that you are too poor to drink outside of your house. But that's secondary to the stupid Dockers + polo shirts guys who coasted through "college" (meaning they are a business major) and have continued this trend in their post-graduation life. Daddy set them up with a job that will entertain them before they get an MBA or a rape conviction. Assholes.
But it's taste, too. I like my bars cheap, dirty and full of hooded sweatshirts. Loud, crappy rock music, but not at deafening volumes. It helps if you can bring in your own Thai food.
I think I'm going to take my change to Coinstar. My guess is that there's probably $50 in change. This is giving up on something, but I think I need the money more than the mystery of how much change I have.
Current career goal: poet-warrior.
The first Google result for "motherfucker" (neat picture). It occurred to me that having a really offensive name for your band is a great excuse for not being commercially successful. Not that commercial success is what everyone is shooting for, but it's probably the most common measure of success. And having swear words in your name would be a convenient excuse for why your records aren't selling. Though a lot of people (esp. kids in high school or the more juvenile college aged set) would buy the record because it has a swear word.
Evaluating this stupid email that I get every August or September:
1. The people starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980.
Yes, that was me about 3 1/2 years ago.
2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan era, and did not know he had ever been shot.
I do have meaningful memories from that era and I did know he was shot.
3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
True.
4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
Not really.
5. There has only been one Pope. They can only remember one other president.
I can remember more than one president.
6. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart, and do not remember the Cold War.
True.
7. They have never feared a nuclear war. "The Day After" is a pill to them�not a movie.
I fear nuclear war.
8. They are too young to remember the Space Shuttle Challenger blowing up.
No I'm not.
9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
True.
10. They never had a polio shot, and likely, do not know what it is.
Yes I do. Salk, Sabin, etc.
11. Bottle caps have not always been screw off, but have always been plastic. They have no idea what a pull top can looks like.
There's still beer that needs a bottle opener. And I know what a pull top looks like.
12. Atari pre-dates them, as do vinyl albums.
Neither do. I played Atari like a fiend at my cousin's house (I had an Intelevision). I still own vinyl.
13. The expression "you sound like a broken record" means nothing to them.
It does mean something.
14. They have never owned a record player.
Yes I have.
15. They have likely never played Pac Man, and have never heard of "Pong."
Wrong on both accounts, assface.
16. Star Wars looks very fake to them, and the special effects are pathetic.
This is probably the worst one on the list.
17. There have always been red M&M's, and blue ones are not new. What do you mean there used to be beige ones?
False.
18. They may never have heard of an 8-track, and chances are they've never heard or seen one.
I've seen it.
19. The compact disc was introduced when they were one year old.
True.
20. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 32 cents.
False.
21. They have always had an answering machine.
False.
22. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a black & white TV.
False.
23. They have always had cable.
False.
24. There have always been VCR's, but they have no idea what Beta is.
True, then false.
25. They cannot fathom what it was like not having a remote control.
My grandma's TV didn't have one.
26. They were born the year Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
True.
27. Roller-skating has always meant in-line for them.
False.
28. "The Tonight Show" has always been with Jay Leno.
False. I remember when Carson left.
29. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
False.
30. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
False. Jiffy-Pop cooked over a stovetop, fire or grill. We also have an air-popper.
31. They have never seen Larry Bird play, and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a football player.
False twice.
32. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
Yes I have.
33. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI and WWII or even the Civil War.
Not really, since my dad was Vietnam-era veteran.
34. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
Yes I do.
35. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
I had hard contact lenses. I lost them all the time.
36. They don't know who Mork was, or where he was from.
Robin Williams wasn't funny then and he isn't funny now.
37. They never heard the terms "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "De plane, de plane!"
Wendy's, Camel cigarrettes and Fantasy Island.
38. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
True, then false. Dallas.
39. The Titanic was found? I thought we always knew where it was.
What does this even mean?
40. Michael Jackson has always been white.
Not true. My friend had Thriller on vinyl.
41. Kansas, Boston, Chicago, America, and Alabama are all places�not music groups.
False.
42. McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.
I remember Big Macs in styrofoam and the pissy environmentalists.
43. There has always been MTV, and it has always included non-musical shows.
True.
