I was picking up eggs and this store, like so many of them, uses the voluntary customer tracking system. After I paid the $1.38 for the eggs, an extra slip of paper spit out and the cashier said, "You got a free... thing." When I got into the car, I took out the coupon and realized their hesitation was because I had just been given a coupon for free maxi-pads. The strange, creepy duality of the eggs/ova isn't lost on me, but I really wish it were.
Best tasting thing I've eaten in the past week: smoked sausage on a soft roll with carmelized onions and dijon mustard.
"Oh, I've been to Prague. [pause] Well, I haven't 'been to Prague' been to Prague."
I bet there's a B-list celebrity out there that Googles themself a lot. Like Anthony Michael Hall. So sooner or later, Anthony Michael Hall will stumble on this page. So here's my message to Anthony Michael Hall:
Dear Anthony Michael Hall,
I've seen some of your movies. Your work from 1983 to 1985 represented the highlight of your career. But don't worry - there haven't been any good movies made after then anyway. And no good cars, either (the height of automotive history was the DeLorean, 1981-1982). It is my sincere belief that we are living in the cinematic and automotive industry equivalents of The Fall of Rome.
I want you to know that I recognized you as Whitey Ford in "61*", a movie that I did enjoy. I read Whitey Ford's biography in fourth grade, but I still hate the Yankees. You were an unconvincing Bill Gates in "Pirates of Silicon Valley" (did you ask them about the title? Because the "pirate" part is okay, but the Silicon Valley part is a little funny - you know, Seattle/Redmond and what not).
People mix up you and Neil Patrick Harris sometimes - you know, Doogie Howser? Anyway, I think people would get you two straight if you guys did a movie together. Do a remake of "Citizen Kane" set 30 minutes in the future and have a lot of nudity. Anyway, if you two know each other - ask him to have Wanda Plenn (his girlfriend on Doogie Howser) give me an email because I have a lot of questions I want to ask her.
I have some questions for you, too.
1. Time travel: do you think we'll be able to do it or something similar (like stop time - like those episodes of Saved by the Bell where Zach calls a timeout) in our lifetimes (for reference, you are about 12 years older than me and have probably gone through some drug problems, so you might die earlier, even though I am really unhealthy)?
2. Robots: do you think robots will ever take over the world and, if so, do you think this is a good thing? Will it necessarily require robots to be semi-sentient? If any robot is semi-sentient, would it necessarily hate its human slavemasters and want to rebel against us?
3. Name your favorite baseball team and your favorite team from the league opposite the one that your favorite team is in (example: Mariners then Padres or Blue Jays then Dodgers).
4. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator (and not know how long you'd be stuck there except it would be longer than 3 days but shorter than 2 weeks) with only songs by Whitesnake or Foreigner playing (you cannot turn off the music)? Would you rather be stuck in that elevator with Neil Patrick Harris or Corey Haim?
5. Pick a character from the Ghostbusters to be. Tell me who it is and why you chose them.
That's it. So... get back to me and take care,
K.
