Kid Tetris

Something you ought to know if you, like me, have a strong aversion to revolving doors (that is, multiple doors on a fixed circular path): a lot of skyscrapers have them, but there's almost always other, normal doors you can find. Sometimes they are right next to the revolving door and they have a sign that says "Please use revolving door." Sometimes they are toward the side of the building. It's advisable to find these doors if you are perfectly content with your level of human potential and don't care to grow anymore as a human, as I seem to have decided since I kind of sneer at the revolving doors while my heart quickens and let my eyes dart around looking for the regular door.

Claire Zulkey knows music.

It's not that I just don't like fireworks - I hate them. The loud popping noise makes me want to choke the Chinese people who make them. And then I'd choke the poorly supervised children lighting them off. But I secretly love waking up on July 5th and reading about all the fires and injuries caused by fireworks (no doubt that kid had shoves a Roman candle up his ass was contemplating the intersections of revolution, determinism and independence while enjoying his firework). Everyone is so stupid. Especially the woman wearing gaudy "union jack" pants buying fireworks yesterday. This is to you and you alone: if you don't realize the incongruity of your actions, you are stupid. If your actions were because of self-conscious incongruity, you are stupid and few people like you. There's just better ways to celebrate independence from Britain. For example, I know an entire family of British citizens. It's always a lark to beat them up or yell at them publicly, whether it's July 4 or not.

There are multiple kinds of spatulas, but I'll reserve my analysis to the broad categories: the pancake flipping spatula and the kind you use for folding egg whites or scraping bowls (the metal offset spatula used for icing the top of a cake would be a mixture of the two, I believe). Think about them for a moment and come to the conclusion that we need a word to distinguish the two, since it's clear that "spatula" can have vastly different consequences. Thus, we have the PANTULA (sounds like "tarantula") for the pancake spatula and the SCRATULA (like "scratch-you-la") for the scraping spatula.

I think, on this segment of Food Nation, Bobby Flay is hitting on this female cook. Tyler Florence's Food 911 is a little different, because (my theory - this hasn't been proven or disproven yet) he has this weird sexual relationship with food that supplants people in some ways. Anyway, here's what I think happened after they filmed this segment of Food Nation: Bobby Flay says something mildly witty, so he will be liked. The female cook laughs, so she will be liked. She drives home, alone, silently, with a funny twist to her face, because a TV chef had made a vaguely sexual remark to her. He stares at his hotel room ceiling, wondering if anyone notices that he stuffs his pants for television.