The Walken Family's Salmon Jerky contains only one additive - a fierce opiate that causes regret and mournfulness to be expelled through gentle vomiting. Your worries and misgivings are replaced with a resolute sense of well-being that lasts from 4 to 36 hours.
In The Walken Family's Laboratory for Advanced Medical Research we discovered that feelings of self-loathing are housed in the gastro-intestinal tract, since its dark, acidic and nutrient rich environment is ideal for those kind of feelings. Also, we found certain foods act as a magnet for feelings of self-loathing, which allow it to be carried out of the system when the food is released. Salmon is one of these. By inducing vomiting and also adding opiates to our salmon jerky, we have a nutrient rich, fast-acting product that will give you a renewed sense of self-worth and zest for life.
So why is the Walken Family's Delicious Salmon Jerky better than simple heroin or morphine? Because of the salmon. We use only troll caught king salmon that are serviced by the pure, honest hands of children. Their tiny fingers are perfect for the tiny pin bones - to make sure our Delicious Salmon Jerky contains more of what you want (opiates) and less of what you don't (bones).
Our seasonal line of Delicious Salmon Jerky includes Delicious Holiday Spice Salmon Jerky in the winter months, Delicious Wild Berry Surf Cooler Salmon Jerky in the spring and summer, and Delicious Pumpkin Pie Jerky in the fall - all contain the same excessive level of nutrient-rich calming opiates as our classic Delicious Salmon Jerky. Enjoy extreme tranquility with The Walken Family's Salmon Jerky.
