Imagine America being sucked into a black hole, squeezed into a singularity with all those other countries, with all those other planets. Do you want to be squeezed into a hot, steamy singularity - with your neighbor shoved onto your lap until the heat-death of the universe or would you rather have freedom, eat ice cream and actually enjoy life? [Hold for applause] That's what I thought.
Elect me as your dictator for you life and that's what you'll get - freedom and ice cream. I will increase federal funding for freedom, ice cream and black hole defense. When have those fat cats in Washington ever done anything for you? They don't want to tackle the tough issues like black holes - they want to wait around and let you get swallowed up by a black hole. I don't. I want to keep you safe from black holes and let you have freedom and ice cream ot its non-dairy equivalent if you are lactose intolerant or maybe something else if you just don't like it.
Why don't those fat cats want you to know about the risk that black holes pose? Probably because they aren't doing anything about it! They're busy handing out YOUR money to THEIR friends instead of protecting you from black holes. Here's what I'm gonna do: your money is going to come back to in the form of more freedom, more ice cream - or some equivalent foodstuff if you don't like ice cream - and zero deaths from non-manmade black holes. Zero. I am going to stop non-manmade black holes dead in their tracks. That's my guarantee and I will stick by it so steadfastly that America can set its watch to it.
My America is one of hopes and dreams and action and freedom and ice cream. Their America - those filthy Washington fat cats - is one of greed and gluttony and standing around while we wait for a black hole to swallow us up. Why would someone do that? I guess those fat cats think America sucks. [Hold for a resounding "Boooooo...."] I sure as hell don't. Elect me your dictator for life - I will guarantee that I will keep America safe from pre-existing black holes, because I think this country is super. Vote for mes in 2008 - More Freedom, More Ice Cream, Fewer Black Holes. Guaranteed. Thank you.
