1. My mom will talk about her work.
2. And how my brother "is" Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.
3. Stupid fucking stupid gifts - the self-consciously crappy gifts.
4. Something about sports.
5. Marriage. Ugh.
6. Health problems.
7. Gossip. The segue from health to this is always interesting.
8. Food.
9. A degenerate potpourri of all of the above as we attempt to leave, after 5 hours of me thinking that someone peeing on me in front of an audience would be more pleasant, since it would last maybe thirty seconds... a minute, tops.
Somewhere in there mother will say something, unprovoked, to cut me down, too. Always enjoyable.
The night ends not with a bang, but a sigh as we climb into the car and leave and leave and leave and leave.
Every year, my brother, sister and myself beg to be left out, but it never happens.
