Kid Tetris

There's this guy in my office who will linger for about 2 or 3 seconds too long when he's washing his hands. It should be like this: water, towel off, out. He's all like: waaaaaater, toooooooowell oooooff, pause, out. When there's someone else in the bathroom, you need to recognize that social convention would have you speed up your get out. The underlying premise is that bathrooming should be as private affair as possible and by "private" I mean minimal chance for eye contact. Perhaps they should include this in employee orientation or post signs somewhere.

Here's a character I've been working on: The Indignant NPR Commenter. The Indignant NPR Commenter is the person you hear on the "Today is Thursday, the day we read from your letters" segment. The things you need to know about The Indignant NPR Commenter are: 1) he listens to NPR, 2) he is indignant, and 3) he often comments on things in the way that other indignant NPR commenters do when they write to NPR.

For example
NPR: "last winter there were 125 mitten-related deaths"
Indignant NPR Commenter: "It has been well established that only 122 deaths last winter attributable to mittens, since one happened prior to the official start of winter and 2 were from mitten packaging, not mittens. Your reporting is completely unreliable, untrustworthy and clearly reflects the biases of the anti-mitten majority that I find disgusting. I will never listen to NPR again."

Wife: "We're almost out of milk. Could you run to the store to pick some up?"
Indignant NPR Commenter: "As early as yesterday I established the fact that we are completely out of milk. Your suggestion that we are 'almost' out of milk reflects a blatant disregard for the investigation and diligence I put into establishing that fact, as well as the work I did reporting it. Your reporting, unlike mine, is completely unreliable and reflects a troubling trend toward bias and dishonesty in the media. I will never marry you agian."

Cashier: "Your total is $12.73"
Indignant NPR Commenter: "While you say my total is $12.73, regretfully, you did not scan the coupons which are in my fanny pack, so in fact my total will be lower - much lower, eighty five cents lower. Your complete disregard for my and my family's thrifty lifestyle highlights this soulless corporation's slavish commitment to squeezing every last penny out of the working man and its structural biases. I will never shop here again."