-having children so you can impose your taste in things on the future, since kids aren't allowed to argue with you, because the people who are having children are the ones that listen to radio stations that have "wacky" morning DJs who do prank calls and watch "Two and a Half Men" and buy T-shirts that commemorate sporting events.
-Jan Levinson-
-if cannibalism weren't frowned upon, or if you were just trapped in your office building for some time (suppose there's a toxic fog that attacks your brain outside or something), who would you eat first and why? How would the group decide? What things around the office, besides people, could you eat? Which person would be the first to sell their body for small amounts of food?
-there's a guy at work who is lactose intolerant - I'd probably go for him first. I don't think a lot of people would mind and he seems sort of stringy, so people probably wouldn't be real thrilled about doing some more cannibalism, they'd be like "Eh, let's see if there's some plants in peoples offices that we could eat before we go ahead eating more humans"
-I saw a seagull poking at a dead mole. Small mole, probably 12 oz or so. It's nice to have those reminders of how meaningless our lives really are. Work until we're senile and pooping our pants, then wind up as seagull chow. The history writers dig up all the filthy crap we did for some unauthorized biography and your relatives don't really care, they just want a slice of that pie.
-Angry music in Spanish. Just sounds really good. I like it. The English stuff sounds almost stupidly whiney - "my dad gave me a 3 series BMW when I asked for a 5 series and I think there's a hole in my Abercrombie jeans that wasn't there when I bought them and I ran out of teeth whitening strips". The Spanish guys seem to have actual things to complain about.
-Get stylish with a Great Gatsby Themed Wedding. I can't help but think that somehow the person who wrote this didn't really "get" that book, since they make no mention of the book's underlying themes. It just doesn't sound like they're actually advocating having a self-consciously ironic wedding, actively distancing yourself from your family's customs and traditions while you are surrounded by the very same people, desperately ringing up credit card debt to purchase customs and traditions that belong only to the fancypants set. I mean, it would be remarkably subversive for someone to have a Gatsby themed wedding, if they'd read and understood the book in 10th grade, but it would just be an added layer of absurdity if they hadn't. What kind of person has a themed wedding anyway? Am I right? Probably someone who hasn't read the damn book. Maybe they could rent a bright yellow Hummer or Lamborghini for the wedding and run over someone with it. That would fit the theme.
