The Heeb Bee-Gees' Bees, "Disco Judaica"
I was hanging out with SUFJAN STEVENS in his garage, drinking some of the "suf-gin" he made in an old car tire, and it turned out to be some bad news. Things are foggy. I woke up 3 days later with my passport stamped in Algiers, Algeria, a court date for soliciting in Denver and this album duct taped to my chest. I do not know where else you could possibly find it, but it remains the most vital, most essential album of the year. The music is recorded in such a way that compressing it into mp3 format makes it sound like a car driving, so there's no point in asking me for a digital copy.
The Coalminers, "The Coalminers present the 100 Lessons of Romance"
This is an octuple album - the only octuple album ever made that is worth owning. These men are actual coal miners and this is them listing off sex and romance tips over banjo music. Consider it the new Kama Sutra. Because they are touring with Cat Power in the spring and you can find their album in an actual record store (ick!), I considered leaving them off the list, but I have used their tips to great effect and consequently they have earned their place. This album is like my good friend Sufjan's "Illinoise" or Interpol's "Turn on the Bright Lights" - it's probably on everyone's list.
Fogyard, "The One Fifty"
An album named after a bus is a bit prosaic, but what if I told you they did not just name their album after the route - they became the bus route. They basically lived on this busline for 3 years to record this album. They continue to ride it from time to time, too. The album is vaguely Homeric. It wasn't really "released". You have to ride the bus with them - they won't tell you when they are going to ride it, you just have to ride it a lot until and experience the route like they did until you get lucky and they are there - and grab it off of an ad-hoc wireless connection in a DRM format that expires after 3 hours. It's so worth it.
Roger Peters, "Pain Medication"
There is only one copy of this album and Roger has it. He will come up behind you and put headphones on you and hit play. You will experience the most amazing thing ever. It is better than drugs (hence the name!). Despite the broke-ass wordplay like that, this is the most important album of the year. I was in such a state of ecstasy that I removed my appendix while I was listening to it and it didn't even matter. I told this to a doctor guy and he started experimenting with it instead of normal anesthesia and it turns out that patients heal faster if they are only listening to this album. But do not bother trying to find Roger to hear it. If your heart is pure, he will find you.
The O'Grady Twins, "Botulismo"*
If you'll recall from last year, their last effort was on a small microchip thing that is inside a brain parasite and to listen to it you had to flick a switch and shoot the parasite inside your head so you didn't miss the beginning of the song. Was it worth it? Fuck yeah it was. As this album's name implies, the music is stamped onto a petri dish that is full of botulism. This is the fugu of music. It is also so damn good that, if you don't die trying to listen to it, you'll want to kill yourself afterward so you don't have to hear anything else ever again. The most fundamentally perfect album of the year.
The Coalminers, "The Coalminers present the Next 100 Lessons of Romance"
This is the second half of the collection. It was actually unreleased and unauthorized, but I was following them around for a few weeks in March and most of the guys talk in their sleep so I snuck into their rooms and recorded them. It turned out to be one of the best albums of 2006 and I am the only one who has it. Who would've guessed? I think it is better than the first half because the production is more raw and you can sense that there is a lot more truth happening there.
Herschel May, "The Letters of Herschel May"
That this album did not exist 12 months ago makes me hate everything that has ever happened or existed in the past, even if I thought it was good, like soup and the Sun. It is the only thing you ever need to own ever. This album is actually a book. It is a set of instructions and some sheet music. You have to find the right band to play the music and a 7 year old girl with a Quebecois accent to sing the words and so on. It made me empty my bowels the first time I heard it. It is the apex of musicalism.
Okay, that's seven. Clearly, there were not another three albums released in 2006 that are in the same league as these, so I think that's enough for my top 10.
* - LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Purchasing this album will void most health and life insurance plans. We are not recommending that anyone purchase this album, even if they have a petri dish player music system, which is actually the best way to listen to music - better than CDs or LPs or DVD audio or whatever, because actually the agar in the petri dish the best thing for sound. It's because of the science. The science makes it better.
