Long version: My mother, in what I can only guess was some kind of passive-aggressive gesture aimed at bringing up how little we know each other or how little I visit, gave me a vest. Not like a sweater vest, which I might actually wear, but an outerwear zipper vest, that someone who fancies themselves an "outdoors" type would probably wear. I have never worn such a vest in my entire life - I am a fragile, doughy sort who much prefers the indoors and usually wears fussy scarves when outside - and this seems like a really poor time to start. It could also be a passive-aggressive gesture aimed at wasting my time, since I'll need to return these stupid clothes that don't even fit.
My mom insulted the way I cooked a roast 2 years ago and then proceeded to cook the hell out of this years, as though it were something she picked up for 10 cents per pound, rather than $10 per pound. It was barely edible. Also, she neglected to make a pan sauce and the potatoes were stone cold terrible. I only mentioned that the roast was a bit overdone.
I gave myself 3 ties, including one bow tie - something I have been thinking about affecting, since there's no one in my building who does it and I just think it needs to happen. I am fully prepared to lose upwards of 75% of my friends when I start wearing bow ties.
I think I'm done with Christmas though. It's a confluence of things I don't really care for: socializing, gift exchanging, family (especially extended family). I'm burning mental rubber so I can avoid it in the future. It worked really well over Thanksgiving.
One of the "traditions" that my awful family does is the exchange of shitty gifts over dinner. I hate this on a number of levels. 1 - Usually the gifts are somewhat mean spirited. 2 - They are a complete waste of money. 3 - There's more than a little classism present in them, and the people who are sitting around the table wondering what kind of person might buy this garbage, lack the self-awareness to wonder what kind of person might buy the garbage they opened that morning or the tacky coffee table (it's pretty tacky) or the saccharine kitchen decorations.
Of course there are no weapons of mass destruction. Weapons of mass destruction cannot exist because the law of mass conservation says that in a closed system mass may change form, but it is not created or destroyed. How can any weapon destroy mass?
