Q: Who makes the most elite non-Fig Newton fig newtons?
A: Daddy Ray.
I remember these from several years ago. I've only been able to find them at one location of one drug store and they rocked the house. Today I went in to buy batteries and I saw Daddy Ray. My heart skipped a beat.
Why does Daddy Ray have dominion over a rich and varied field such as this one?
1. Price. $2 for 24 oz. Fig Newtons have been running $4 for 16 oz. That same $4 will get you 3 pounds of Daddy Ray newtons.
2. Taste. They are a little less figgy than Fig Newtons, but the cake is sweeter and less chalky. I think if someone were to go ahead and invent fig newtons today, Daddy Ray's is what they'd come up with.
3. Construction. They are less prone to premature crumbling.
My only complaint is that their decline seems to come faster than others. Not that regular Fig Newtons don't turn to little cement bricks when you forget about them.
I've slowly realized that I've completely drifted off to an island that's basically occupied by me and a guy I work with. The problem is that we're isolated from others, so we've developed our own poor ethos. We'll happily forego any kind of leisure in the present for the faintest promise of a small amount of additional leisure in the distant future. We look down upon almost everyone else at work with a scorn that normal people reserve for people walking out of porno theaters. As it came up in one of our more recent conversations, "The only shot I have at this point is to get enough money that people feel they have to like me so I will throw money at them to plaster my name on buildings." Kid Tetris Hall, Kid Tetris Center for the Advancement of Barbecue, Kid Tetris Graduate School of Serious Business, etc. I predict great things for the two of us. Great things.
