2007-11-06
Oh god. This is either a really good time or a really poor time for me to read this. I already know I'm garbage, I know I'm a phony, I get it, but for chrissakes we can't let anyone else know, at least not for about 3 or 4 months, and reading this makes the low level ambient buzzing anxiety that I normally have amplified up to about the level of a jet engine at 10 meters. This, by the way, will give me a heart attack. I'm going to die of being afraid that people will find out what a zero I am. Also, unless I have something to work on and structure my life around, I will probably become one of those people who calls themselves a "wine connoisseur" who always smells like a bar rag and lives in a perpetually foggy mental state, always losing their keys and forgetting to go to work. Working on stuff also keeps me from the thoughts that live deep inside me, like if I were two people, I'd probably constantly be kicking the crap out of myself because I know I don't deserve not to have the crap beaten out me (I also enjoy considering what it would be like to do makeouts with myself, but for all my other winning qualities, I would almost certainly find myself to be a stiff, lumbering, awkward makeout person and that realization would cause me to develop even worse posture).
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