1. I wake up and find my legs and arms have disappeared. I find it difficult to call for help because I have not cultivated friendly relationships with my neighbors and they think my pained screams are just me being a jerk. I eventually starve to death. My landlord finds me in a pool of my own mess when my rent is 3 weeks late.
2. Waiting for my bus, the driver decides that instead of picking up the passengers, he will veer to the right and run over them. They use an unflattering photo of me on the evening news.
3. The bus is crowded and a guy sits next to me. He begins pleasuring himself. The next 45 minutes of the bus ride pass very slowly.
4. At work, I notice there's a swear word Sharpie'd on my face.*
5. The lady at the teriyaki place I go to 3 times a week has been poisoning my lunch with arsenic because I don't tip.
6. My office windows fall off the building and birds start attacking me, viciously.
7. I crap my pants in a meeting.
8. My clothes spontaneously disintregate and I have to get from the bus stop to my apartment naked and I can't find my keys, so I'm fumbling around, naked.
9. Come home and find someone living in my closet.
* - This is why I make a trip to the bathroom about once an hour.
