Kid Tetris

My sister has had the same boyfriend for several years, with periods where they have broken up. I just don't like him. My feelings about him are that he's basically just stupid, both scholastically and in real life. He is also way into this kind of "tough guy" shit. An example of both stupidity and machismo: despite owning a car, he went out and bought a motorcycle (with a helmet that has skulls on it and whatever). It is unlikely he will actually be able to afford the motorcycle, since he will probably lose his job soon. Also, he failed the test to get the motorcycle endorsement on his license.

So I'd like to replace him. These are the characteristics of what a good boyfriend for her should be: intelligent, motivated, and unattractive but self-aware enough that he realizes my sister is the best he's going to get. He should have certain conditions that prevent him from the possibility of dangerous work (flat feet, poor eyesight, etc). He should drive a late-model sedan - completely unmodified in any form - in a boring color like forest green or something and take pleasure in getting good gas mileage. He should aspire to have a pretty dull job in an office and enjoy wearing a tie when he gets the chance. None of his dress shirts are black. He should have no interest in sports or reality television at all - he prefers reading.

Please send a resume along with a list of things you do not like (entries that include motorcycles, 3 Doors Down, and regular Mountain Dew will get preferential treatment).