2009-10-06

I've noticed a change. Back in the spring, several months ago now, thoughts of my brother would come up once a week or so, in an overwhelming way. Now it is more constant, but less overwhelming.

There are, of course, exceptions. Reading this NYT magazine article about anxiety, for instance. My brother was similar to many of the people described and in many ways his death was a result of him attempting to cope with his anxiety. The sentence that stuck with me: "That response includes heightened memory for emotional experiences and the familiar chest pounding of fight or flight." He had a remarkable ability to recall things that happened to him or us. Mine is mostly limited to stuff I read.

The Day is approaching and I am conflicted. Like most people would, I feel like I should be back home, near my mom, dad, sister. But I have the chance to go to India, returning to Ldn four days before the Day. It is really hard to want to go back, particularly that week.

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