See? That's a much better start to a book about your career. Only use it as a jumping off point, though. Don't be all derivative and try to tell us about an apple incident.
This has nothing to do with the previous:
Nobody writes or carves stuff in their desk at work. Be a trendsetter in your workplace for once: start littering your desk with pot leaves, penises and not-so-mandarin proclamations like "Pantera Rulz" or "FAH-Q" or initials with a heart around them. Use a pair of scissors to carve it into your desk, then color it in with a ballpoint pen or Sharpie. If you have a metal desk, just use a Sharpie. If you don't have a desk, use the wall. If you don't have a wall, use floor. If your floor is dirt, write on a coworker (don't carve). If your boss reprimands you, just act like you don't speak English and leave. The next day pretend like there's nothing on your desk/wall/floor/coworker. Or continue to pretend you don't speak English.
[I found this lying around my computer from a month or two ago. Finding old stuff I forgot about makes me all salty and romantic.]
