No-Fat Milk: Watery and sad, a good milk for depressing and boring people who go to law school.
1%: I grew up on this and the Deuce, so I think this is an even, neutral, inoffensive milk. I have no real problems. It's fine on cereal.
2%: A good milk for a days with "weather." Sit down on the couch with a glass of 2% and watch a documentary.
Whole: Thick and manly, a milk you and everyone around you knows you are drinking. Or should know. Feel free to scream to draw attention to yourself and your champion's beverage.
Half-and-half: Good in chowder. This is the milk that would probably be elected student body president. At parties it will bring a fifth of the Captain and go upstairs with the quarterback's girlfriend after that bastard has passed out from bonging too many beers.
Heavy cream: Walk downstairs late at night and take a sip from the little carton. It's good.
Clotted cream: Too British.
Evaporated milk: Good for macaroni and cheese and a few other things, I'm sure.
Condensed milk: I think it only has baking applications. Like fudge. Don't drink it.
Buttermilk: The pancake and muffin milk. Wonderful and naughty.
Dry milk: It's funny to put this in a pool because, hey, it's milk.
Soy milk: You were at this guy's house - he was in your AP English class - and his mom gave you soy milk while you listened to Gilbert and Sullivan records while he was using his ear medicine. That's why you associate it and the crushing disappointment everyone gets when they drink soy milk with "I am the very model of a modern Major-General..." A lot of people do, I guess.
Chocolate milk: A philosopher's beverage.
Strawberry milk: I order my groceries off the internet and once they gave me this instead of chocolate milk and it's just so so so so so good. Also, I've ordered this at restaurants a few times, too. But because it's pink a lot of people will immediately think you are a gay people or you are a child. Who the fuck cares?
Egg nog: Remember in 7th grade, in the winter, when you drank all of this egg nog and you were kind of sick for a while because of it? It was worth it, huh? Egg nog rocks your ass.
----Restoring confidence in US energy markets. Interesting white paper that explains energy risk management better than I can and is a nice primer on deregulation's history.
Continently,
K.
