Kid Tetris

I will give you a plate of pancakes if you can stop using the word "blast" when referring to what Candidate A did to Candidate B. For reals. It needs to stop. There's better, more imaginative verbs because a) it really sounds like you are mailing it in and b) I fucking hate that word unless it's part of "ghetto blaster" or "3-2-1 blast off".

Here's the phrases you can use - free of charge - in your boring, empty headlines that approximately mean the same thing as "blasts" when inserted into the verb-hole in "Candidate A (verb) Candidate B":
likes
touches
holds hands with
hugs
kisses
makes out with
loves
fellates
enjoys the company of
dances with
listens to "Endless Love" in the dark with
marries
cheats on
divorces
remarries
hits on
gets drunk with
date rapes
looks exactly like
is in the same Narcotics Anonymous group as
has a better knowledge of model trains than
grows a beard faster than
shares a pizza with
has a stronger fondness for pie than
smells like
grows weary of
wins the Soapbox Derby over
has a teddy bear balloon picnic with
really listens to
gets
considers
reflects upon
remembers
respects
trusts
stabs
shoots
builds a 1:4 size papier-mache model of
eats more candy than

You see, those would get me to actual read the story below. If I see "Kang Blasts Kodos" - I am bored. You have lost me. I will not read your story because I see that headline everywhere. If I saw "Kang Stabs Kodos" or "Kang Really Listens to Kodos" - I would read that. I am intrigued by that.

It's up to you, journalistos, to make me read your crap. I am a young male with disposable income and your advertisers want my attention to sell me things and you are dropping the ball.