A vengeful Judeo-Christian deity turns its back on an entire REGION. Nature turns into a BRUTAL and DEVASTATING FORCE. A CITY gripped by fear. A CITY clings to life by its fingernails. A CITY reluctantly slips into DEATH's cold fingers. A CITY brought to its knees by nature's fury. Piles of DEAD CITIZENS too headstrong to know better litter area highways. Could this be the END OF CIVILIZATION? Will we resort to wearing ANIMAL SKINS and roaming our FROZEN WASTELAND in some form of MODERN TRIBALISM, feasting on the carcasses of small animals, fallen trees and, in our more DESPERATE moments, our fellow humans? What can we do to avoid resorting to cannibalism and why does it remain such an attractive option? How long should we wait until we resort to it? All that and more, coming up up on your 5 o'clock news.
What will a post-Winter Storm 2005 Seattle look like? After succumbing to 3 to 4 inches of nature's most vicious snow, soon the Seattleites that have managed to survive or not been chosen to give themselves up for the nourishment of others will take stock of their lives and begin the long process of rebuilding. Should we build houses that have flames coming out the sides to melt the snow? Should we install radiant heating in the streets and beneath the grass to melt whatever snow hits the ground? What makes someone a good candidate for human sacrifice? Is the measure of tragedy really in the number of lives lost or the inches of snow, or is it in the hearts and minds of the citizens who had to witness it and live through it and carry its burden on their shoulders?
The answers to such questions are not easy. As we begin to finally realize the magnitude nature's toll, we should wonder if this is nature's way of telling us to get the fuck out. Personally, it seems to me that we should take the hint and move ourselves to a set of self-sustaining floating barges in the middle of the ocean where we become a hardy fishing, boat-building, treasure-hunting, raping and pillaging society. We will become modern Vikings, often plundering other Pacific Rim cities and taking their riches back to our barges.
I imagine a sort of Greek city-state like structure, though divided along more neighborhoodly lines: Ballardians, Belltowians, IDites, UDios, Magnolians, Queenanneans, Fremontinos, Ravvenars, Montlakeals, Wallingfordians, Eastlakers, Westlakers, Capitol Hillians, etc. The wars between the rival neighborhoods will spawn an era of innovation and creativity in weaponry and transportation. From all of this fighting, a great general will emerge and unite the sea-faring empire, creating Seattleish outposts across the world ("the Sun never sets on the Seattleish empire, after all"), eventually conquering the corners of Earth, then the galaxy, and we will enslave the unholy creatures we discover in other galaxies and trade them like baseball cards. In short, I think that we must look for the silver lining in this tragedy.
Doubtless, however, is that some news pundits will leap onto the initial disaster story, crassly pushing past its tragic facts, and ask questions that should never be asked at all: whose fault is it? How should we prepare for next time? Did some people resort to cannibalism too early? None of this really matters! All that matters is that we pick up the shattered pieces of our lives, try to put this "Black December" (wasn't it the DaVinci Code guy who said that December was the cruelest month?) and the sweet smoky taste of human flesh in the past. We must hope beyond hope that our lives are never again shaken by such a tragedy, a tragedy of such great magnitude, and resolve that we'll be more careful about honoring the wishes of our grandparents to not be used as sacrifices to some seriously pissed off gods.
Regardless, in times like this - times of great suffering and loss - we must give thanks for the things we have. We have our next breath, our next sip of Hennessy fine cognac the cognac for people who know cognac on sale now at the liquor store stock up before it is too late, the memories we have of those who perished.
We must also remember the heroes. What makes a hero in such tragedy? Well, the people I ran over this morning as I was screaming and crying and speeding out of control in my car - the heated leather seats were still too cold - are heroes. The young Guatemalan fellow who valet parked my car is a hero. The people who we sacrificed to appease the snow god Snowblor are heroes. The members of the jury who found me not guilty are heroes. There are many heroes. Are you a hero? Yes. Yes you are. You are all heroes. Heroes of truth and honesty and knowledge for watching this television news program. Thank you.
