The act, passed in the time of rising consumption of peach treats
(peach treat-ism) in America, is widely lauded by those who enjoy peach treats. The consumption of peach treats, or peach treatism, has leveled off in the past few years, but remained quite high, largely due to provisions in the bill that make the consumption of non-peach treats incredibly difficult.
One of the contentious points in the law requires those who want non-peach treats to negotiate a complicated bureuacracy by filing a number of forms and affidavits, almost all of which have to be notarized:
1. Application for a License to Acquire and Store Non-Peach Treats
2. Application for a Permit to Consume of Non-Peach Treat
3. Notice of Intent to Consume Non-Peach Treats
4. Notice of Proposed Non-Peach Treat Consumption
5. Application of Waiver of Peach Treat Eating Status
6. Application for the Use of a Military Facility
7. Application for the Transport of a Non-Peach Treat
8. Application for the Rental of a Government Owned Non-Peach Treat Eating Chair
9. Application for the Rental of a Government Owned Non-Peach Treat Eating Table
10. A credit history check
11. Authentication of a Non-Peach Treat
12. Affidavit stating that all of the non-peach treat has been consumed or accounted for
13. Affidavit stating that a bowel movement has occured and that the undersigned is no longer transporting non-peach treats in his/her body
14. Notifications to appropriate water/sewer authorities that you have passed a bowel movement into their system which may contain non-peach treats
Critics of the law, who often enjoy non-peach treats, have chided the government for not protecting the rights of those who enjoy treats which are not peach based. Supporters note the many kinds of treats which are peach based.
Some of the updates to the law include allowing for other fruit-based treats, such as nectarines. In an impassioned speech on the floor of the Senate, Senator John Stamos said that necatrines and peaches are actually the same species and that this represents no significant progress to the rights of those who want to eat drupes which are not peaches. The Stamos amendment would allow for treats from stone fruits which are members of the genus Prunus, such as peaches, apricots, plums and cherries. However, Senator Coulier said that he thinks peaches and nectarines might be different, since sometimes he sees two different signs, so it's might be progress.
Another proposed amendment in the Senate would allow all stone fruit treat, but that has failed to gain much support. A senior administration official commented that it would have little chance of getting even close to passing in the House, since it could be construed as being 'soft on mango' or 'soft on jujube' - a charge difficult to defend in an election year. "I would love to pass a bill that includes mango or jujube, but I don't think the nation as a whole is ready for it," said the official.
* - Acronym: Uniting [and] Strengthening America [through] Peach [treat] Enjoyment and Consumption, High-school Theatrical Revue Entertainment And Those-flag-bumper-stickers Act.
