Kid Tetris

Other people have noticed the odd Triscuits slogan, but they do not realize its implications. Are emotions edible? If they are, this has profound implications for the psychoanalysis/therapy community. "I am regretful." "Have you been eating Wheat Thins?" "Yes." "Try Triscuits for a week. There's no regret in those."

The foods of emotions (not a complete list. Please consult your physician. Or metaphysician*)

Anger: barbecue sauce
Angst (Kierkegaard/Heidegger-style): cereal
Angst (Dawson's Creek-style): soda
Boredom: potato chips
Disgust: lemonade
Envy: tortilla chips
Fear: string cheese
Guilt: bananas
Happiness: Fruit Roll-Ups
Hate: pudding
Hope: mustard (most types)
Regret: beef
Sadness: fish sticks
Shame: crab rangoon (or "crab cheese" at some places)

* - Metaphysician as doctor is my new favorite thing. I like the idea of philosophy graduate students walking around a hospital with an attending metaphysician talking about the existential issues of patients. "Can anyone tell me what is wrong with this patient?" "It appears that he no longer exists, Doctor." Much funnier than metaphysicists, who would have lots of formulas and stuff, but maybe would also have giant accelerators to uncover the nature of being (just maybe, I'm not sure about this).