I'm not sure what to make of this. In the moment, I'm all, "What the fuck is happening? Did I eat too much ketchup? Is it because I'm a sinner? I promise I'll exercise, just make this stop!" So it stops and I just got that worry - that kind that is like Frozen Worry Concentrate that you don't take without diluting it in water.
What happens when you go to the doctor and say, "I got angular pee." And the doctor just kind of stares at you, then looks out the window and walks out. He sort of shuffles around a bit, then googles: 'weird guys "bad pee" "won't take off shoes"'. Doctors can't help me. I probably have maybe 1 or 2 months to go, or maybe I'll just slowly rot away, with shitty stuff happening all over my body and there's not much I can do to stop it.
Who do you tell when your pee is 7 kinds of wrong? (Answer: the Internet) It was really hard to get to sleep last night. Reading books didn't help much, because none of the characters have real problems, my problems. They just float through life with these trivial concerns. You just wish you could sort of vocalize your worst fears (weiner falls off, have to pee through some type of metal faucet installed in my chest) and the stupid computer would say, "Okay, my boss has a problem. Let's find him someone else with angled pee. Like an angled pee survivors network or something." Well, it's futile, computer. There are none. Probably because no one survives.
If you want to start an angle pee foundation in my memory, just don't do something goofy with the ribbons that trivializes our suffering. Make it tasteful. Be selective about who you let on any benefit shows, too. I don't want Kid Rock to be at any of them. The guy is a loser.
So I'll just spend the rest of my days rolling around in one of those Stephen Hawking wheelchairs with the voice thing, raising awareness for angle pee. Maybe I'll just go start my wikipedia article now.
