Guilt Parmesan
Bread the chicken breast with egg, breadcrumbs and parmesan cheese. Bake until your ungrateful son realizes what you've sacrificed. If he apologizes, ask him if he thinks that's really going to make up for 25 years of being a shithead. If not, just keep asking rhetorical questions about things you don't like. For example, the car you drive or the clothes you wear or the job you have.
Displaced Anger Salad
Open the sack of pre-made salad. Pour into a bowl. Cross your arms across your chest. Stare at your daughter for a few moments. Yell at her to get the salad dressing from the fridge, do something, anything except sit on her ass and talk on the fucking phone or that stupid myspace bullshit and why isn't she taking care of that goddamn dog? Then go for "a drive."
Selection of Regional Cheeses and Alcohol-Fueled Arguments
Mild ash-rind goat's milk, sharp firm sheep's milk, whether or not in your next life you'll have kids, who is responsible for all these damn bills, why don't we just SELL these kids to the gypsies for a sack of magic beans because those beans can't be anymore useless than these stupid kids
Today I pulled into my parking spot in my building the very second "Teenage Riot" ended. It was the perfect moment. Then I spilled a bag full of crap on the garage floor and the moment was over. The highlight of my day was when I mistakenly got free ham on my breakfast sandwich thing at the bakery. I saved 50 cents.
