I won't reveal my source, but there is an extremely good chance that if you eat Cap'n Crunch's Crunch Berries cereal in large amounts, your bowel movements will take on an color that is best described as "army green." It's something you should be prepared for if you are going to start out on a cereal-centric lifestyle. It is entirely possible that the person who discovered this fact is genetically predisposed to the condition (a hypothetical disease we will preliminarily refer to as "rainbow bowel syndrome"*) or the condition was caused by an overdose of green-colored Vault soda, but the more frightening conclusion - that Crunch Berries disagree with the human gastro-intestinal system with a ferocity heretofore unknown by mankind - seems more likely at this point.
* - I theorize that Rainbow Bowel Syndrome (RBS) sufferers go through a type of seasonality where different colors are presented, largely affected by a combination of the patient's diet, emotional state and the weather. In that way, we have the capacity to be our own mood rings and barometers, a fact I suspect the ancients knew.
On the same subject, it wasn't until 4 days after I landed in Europe that I managed to crap. By the time I got home I was sick of yelling at my body to "just let go of it, dammit." I wondered at the time if this was a common problem with long-distance travel, but I've never had it happen before after really long flights or multi-day car trips. The best I can guess my neuroses are catching up with me and I'm going to be the guy standing in the aisle of drug store in my bathrobe at 3 am shotgunning all kinds of stomach "elixirs" and shouting across the store at the one on-duty employee to ask if he likes the orange kind with breakfast and cherry kind after dinner, like I do.
